Steps

1. SAFETY FIRST: separate children and ensure everyone is safe
2. Stay calm. Reacting with anger escalates the situation
3. After the moment: explore what triggered it (sensory overload, frustration, demand?)
4. Teach replacement behaviours: 'When you're angry, hit the cushion / squeeze the stress ball'
5. Create a de-escalation plan: recognise early signs and intervene BEFORE it escalates
6. Work with professionals if aggression is frequent or severe

What you need

Safety plan, replacement sensory items, professional support if needed

Why it works

Aggression in neurodivergent children is almost always communication — unmet sensory needs, frustration that can't be expressed verbally, or overwhelm with no other outlet. Understanding the trigger and teaching replacement behaviours addresses the root cause, not just the surface behaviour.

Age guidance

Common between ages 3-10. Replacement behaviours need to be practised hundreds of times at home before they transfer to real situations.

Real-world example

A parent discovered 90% of hitting happened in the 30 minutes after school. They introduced a 20-minute decompression zone with sensory toys before any sibling interaction. Hitting incidents dropped by 80% in two weeks.

Troubleshooting

• Aggression is almost always a sign of unmet needs, not malice
• Never punish aggression with aggression (smacking, shouting). It models what you're trying to stop
• If aggression is towards themselves, seek urgent professional support