Behaviour as Communication

You're reacting to the behaviour but not understanding what's driving it

Steps

When challenging behaviour happens, pause and ask: 'What is this behaviour telling me?'
Consider the 4 common drivers: escape, attention, sensory need, or tangible want
Look at what happened BEFORE the behaviour (the trigger) and AFTER (the response)
Keep a brief log: behaviour → trigger → what you did → what happened next
Adjust your response based on the driver, not the surface behaviour

What you need

Observation skills, a simple log (notebook or app), curiosity not judgement

Why it works

Neurodivergent children communicate through behaviour because their needs often can't be expressed verbally. Understanding the function behind the behaviour — escape, sensory need, attention, or a tangible want — lets you respond to the real problem instead of just reacting to what you see on the surface.

Age guidance

Applicable at any age. Younger children communicate more through behaviour; older children may mask the cause but the framework still applies.

Real-world example

A parent kept a simple trigger log for two weeks and discovered that 80% of their child's meltdowns happened in the 30 minutes after school. The behaviour wasn't random — it was decompression. Adjusting the after-school routine to be low-demand changed everything.

Troubleshooting

The behaviour is never the problem. It's the solution the child has found
If you can't find the trigger, consider internal states: hunger, tiredness, sensory overload
This approach takes practice. Be patient with yourself as well as your child